Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps Lyrics
"Biscuit Rap"

Johnny:
[Because, because]
'Cause you could keep any bitch
I got my rich tea

Gaz:
Which tea?

Johnny:
I tell ya, I'm a junkie; a flunky
Cruisin' ma ass with a Oreo
Don't need a hoe; got ma Garibaldi - not Barlow, he's gone now
I need a Kit-Kat when the rhyme's phat
With the beat, I can't cheat
Can a biscuit cheat like a mother?
Hell, no

Gaz:
But, Johnny, don't ya know? Oh-oh
Don't be fooled when ya dip 'em in your tea
They're not, they're not gonna make ya happy

Johnny:
I got my lovely, crunchy biscuits
Hell, I'm gonna say it again 'case ya missed it
I ain't dunkin' no girl like a biscuit
I ain't gonna change, so don't try to twist it

Gaz:
Don't be fooled when ya dip 'em in ya tea
They're not good enough for you an' me

Johnny:
I ain't gonna go and have a roll in the hay, no way
I'll have a Fig Roll - ya dig, bro?
Don't wanna go; I havin' fun
I stay one with the Bourbon
A Hob Nob - that's the only dog I'm dippin'
I ain't flippin'
Wanna cookie? You'll be trippin'

The hoes say, "Try my choc chip treats"
That ain't sweet; I ain't no piece of meat
I want wafer; you been away for
A night with a she-dog
You want a biscuit, but dog don't got none, nooo!

Gaz:
Don't be fooled when ya dip 'em in ya tea
Even though they're nice and cru-un-chy

Johnny:
Hush up, bitch!

I got my lovely, crunchy biscuits
Hell, I'm gonna say it again 'case ya missed it
I ain't dunkin' a girl like a biscuit
I ain't gonna change, so don't try to twist it
Hell, no

Can you see the philosophy
Of the desire that these biscuits they can cause in me?
And ma soul will ever be entwined with the hole left
When a mother, however fine, tries to share my life with my biccy time

Gaz:
Don't be fooled when ya dip 'em in ya tea
They're not, they're not gonna make ya happy

Johnny:
I got my lovely, crunchy biscuits
Hell, I'm gonna say it again 'case ya missed it
I ain't dunkin' no girl like a biscuit
Never gonna change, so don't try to twist it

I got my lovely, crunchy biscuits
Hell, I'll say it once more 'case ya missed it
I ain't dunkin' no girls like a biscuit
Never gonna change, so don't try to twist it

Yeah!