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Key Of Awesome Lyrics
"#72 Star Trek Slow Jam!"

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Kirk:
Captain's log Stardate 4307.1
First officer Spock seems to be going through Pon Far,
which is a period every 7 years where Vulcans go into heat.
It seems if they don't find
a suitable mate during this Pon Far!
They can go mad or even die.
I'm going to have to start using that excuse on my dates.
Bones:
Good one Jim!
Kirk:
Thank you Bones
Needless to say Spock is hornier than a three pecker Tribble
on Prom Night and has requested R&R.
Permission granted Spock.
Find a cave for that trouser snake before it's too late.
Spock:
Affirmative girl, it is clear to me that our bodies were made for reproduction
so let me now begin with the act of sweet seduction.
We are subject to extinction if we do not reproduce so sip
on this earth potion known as gin and juice.
Did you know our nerves were stimulated by basic touch?
Vulcan Girl:
Yes, your hand is on my thigh and I enjoy that very much
Spock:
Allow me to apply the Vulcan grip of pleasure.
You know, they say Vulcans have little to no blood pressure,
but my pulse is racing at approximately warp 4, in response to the knowledge
that I most likely will score.
You are clearly getting wild and ready for action, in that regard you are not unlike the captain.
Just relax, for tonight you are not my subordinate.
Mr Scott, beam some fine champagne to our coordinates.
With every sip you take, your desire grows stronger.
Like Mr Scott says:
Scotty:
I don't think she can take it much longer!
Spock:
Together we will copulate so our species can repopulate.
Tonight I got my phasers set for love.
Vulcan Girl:
After that exceptional and technical night it is logical that you and I will be mates for life
Spock:
Ooooh.
This talk of forever comes as quite a surprise and they
do not allow girlfriends aboard the Enterprise.
Like a Klingon after a meal, I'm afraid I must depart.
Vulcan Girl:
While your at it reach through my side and rip off my heart?!
That was irrational, I'm sorry that I yelled.
Spock:
Let us forgo the talking and perform the mind meld.
-mind meld fighting-
Spock:
Your feelings are valid and I appreciate that.
Oh 9:00 o'clock already? I must be getting back.
I have given you all that I can currently offer.
So take care of that life form. Live long and prosper.
Vulcan Girl:
He already forgot my name.
Now I must do the beam of shame.
First I'll shower then I'll get revenge.
Spock!
Kirk:
Spock! You've returned! You look calm and relaxed!
Don't keep us in suspense man, did you hit that?
Spock:
Affirmative Captain, but it ended quite badly.
Kirk:
So often is the case with space relationships sadly.
Women are a puzzle, like the ancient Rubic's cube!
Spock:
Not entirely dissimilar to the Kobayashi Maru.
Kirk:
Yes! An unwinnable test! An impossible
course!
Spock:
That is why 40% of Vulcan marriages end in divorce.
Kirk:
Is that a fact?
Spock:
Affirmative Captain.
Kirk:
That's a fat groove. Turn that up, Bones!
Bones:
Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a DJ!
Spock:
Bones is such a dick.
Vulcan Girl:
Spock, I'm coming for you!
I'll be back in part two!