Historical Folk Lyrics
"Someone's Opinion Of Arizona"

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The devil was given permission one day
To select a land for his own special sway,
So he hunted around for a month or more
And fussed and fumed and terribly swore
But at last was delighted a country to view
Where the prickly pear and cat claw grew.

With a brief survey and without further excuse
He selected the land by the Santa Cruz;
He saw there were still improvements to make
For he felt his own reputation at stake.

An idea struck him, he swore by his horns
That he would make a complete vegetation of thorns.
So he studded the land with the prickly pear
And scattered the cacti everywhere,
The Spanish dagger, pointed and tall,
And at last the cholla to outstick them all.

He imported the Apache direct from hell
The size of the sweet-scented ranks to swell,
And legions of skunks whose loud, loud smell
Perfumed this bleak country he loved so well.

And for his life he couldn't see why
The river should any more water supply;
And he swore if they furnished another drop
You might use his head and horns for a mop.
He sanded the rivers till they were dry
And poisoned them all with alkali
And promised himself on this limey brink
The control of all who should from them drink.

He saw there was still one improvement to make
So imported the scorpion and rattlesnake,
That all who came to this country to dwell
Wouldn't fail to imagine a sure enough hell.
He fixed up the heat at one hundred and eleven
And banished forever the moisture of heaven,
And said as he heard the hot furnace roar
That the mercury might reach five hundred or more.
After fixing these things so thorny and well
He said, "I'll be damned if this don't beat hell."

Then he spread out his wings and away he flew
And vanished forever in a blaze of blue.
And now, no doubt, in some corner of hell
He gloats over the work he completed so well,
And vows Arizona can never be beat
For thorns, tarantulas, snakes, and heat.
For with all his plans carried out so well
He feels well assured Arizona is hell.
This song is from the album "Cowboy And Western Songs".