Flirtations Lyrics
"The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun"

Jimmy"I grew up in a little town in Georgia,
Columbus Georgia, to beprecise.
Actually, in the 'One Of Us' section,
we said one of usran away from home at fourteen,
and that was me. I was tortured inschool,
I was the class fag. People were calling me 'faggot'before
I even knew what that word meant.
Then I went and found outwhat it meant,
and was like 'Oh, there's a name for it?
' At thetime, I didn't find it amusing.
I like to be honest about it now,
because I've expended an incredible amount of energy
over the pastcouple of... years,
actually over my life, trying to pretend thatthat never
happened to me, that that's not part of my life,
thatI've always been this cool.
Huh, God. So, what I'd like to doknow actually is
reach back to those roots that I have tried sodesperately
to wipe out of my life, and share with you a fantasyfrom
that period... it's more of a nightmare.
I was so angry and,and confused,
and lonely and miserable that most of my fantasiesduring
that period of time sort of ran like the movie 'Carrie.'"It
was Homecoming Night at my high schoolEveryone was
there, it was bodaciously coolI was so excited,
why, I almost wet my jeans'Cause my best friend Debbie
was Homecoming QueenShe looked so pretty in pink chiffonRiding
the float with her tiara onHolding this humongous bouquet
in her handShe looked straight out of Disneyland!
Well, it was just like the Cinderella ride - it was
definitely an 'E' ticket!
The crowd was cheering, everyone was stokedYou know,
I think it was like the whole school was totally coked
out or something.The band was playing 'Evergreen'When
all of a sudden, somebody screamed:"Oh my God,
look out! The Homecoming Queen's got a GUN!
!!"Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Debbie's smiling, and wiping her gunPicking off cheerleaders
one by oneOh no! Muffy's pompons just blew to bitsMy
God, Mitzi's head just did the splits!
My best friend is on a shooting spreeStop it,
Debbie, you're embarrassing me!
How could you do what you just did -Are you having
a really bad period?Everybody run,
the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
(Stop it, Debbie, you're making a messPowder burns
all over your dressBloody bodies all over the quadWho'd
have thought she'd be packing a rod!
)An hour later, you know, the cops had arrivedOh,
but by then the entire glee club had died - no big
lossYou wouldn't believe what they brought to stopTear
gas, machine guns... even a chopper!
"Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of that
float!"Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said,
No, she aimed and fired, and now the math teacher's
dead!Oh, it's really sad, but,
you know, it's kind of a relief,
You see, we had this big test coming up next week.
..Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
(Debbie's really having a blast!
She's wasted half of the class!
)The cops fired a warning shot and she dove off that
floatI tried to scream "Duck!
" but it stuck in my throatShe hit the ground and did
a flip; it was real acrobaticBut I was crying so hard,
I couldn't work my Instamatic.
I ran down to Debbie, I had to find out,
like,What made her do it, why'd she freak out?
I saw the bullet had grazed her.
.. right about here.I knew then.
.. the end was near.And I.
.. As... Do y'all mind?So as the SWAT team and a
gaggle of hall monitors escorted her fromthe field,
I ran alongside, and I said to her,
"Debbie! Debbie,why did you do it?
Why did you do it?" She just smiled at me andsaid,
"I did it for Lonnie." "Lonnie?
Debbie, who's Lonnie?There aren't even any boys in
our school named Lonnie. There isMs.
Wilson, the wood shop teacher.
... Oh my God, Debbie is thatwhy you spent all that
time makin' those tacky birdhouses insteadof being
in the Future Homemakers of America with me?
" It was toolate for answers.
And as the SWAT team roared off into the sunset,
I, I surveyed the gruesome scene before me.
The ruins of thatbeautiful chicken-wire-and-crepe-paper
'V-for-Victory' that the PepClub had worked so hard
on... And then it hit me. It's stillHomecoming Week.
We can't have a Homecoming Game without aHomecoming
Queen. It was then I knew what I must do.
So Iretrieved her tiara from where it had fallen and
I placed itlovingly upon my head,
willing to assume the awesome burden ofHomecoming Queen,
eager to rule with a firm,
yet sensitive hand...All right,
boys, sing it for me!Everybody scream,
the Homecoming Queen is a queen!He's a queen, he's a queen, he's a queen, he's a queen.Ahhhhhhh, a big old queen!