Val Doonican Lyrics
"Delaney's Donkey"

Now Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired<br />
Temporarily lazy and permanently tired<br />
A leg at every corner balancing his head<br />
And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed<br />
Riley slyly said we've underrated it,
why not train it, then they took a rag<br />
They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embrocated it<br />
Got it at the post and when the starter dropped the flag<br />
There was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it<br />
Hogan, Logan and everyone in town <br />
Lined up, attackin' it and shovin' it and smackin' it<br />
They might as well have tried to push the Town Hall down<br />
The donkey was eyein' them, openly defyin' them<br />
Winkin', blinkin' and twistin' out of place<br />
Riley reversin' it, everybody cursin' it<br />
The day Delaney's donkey ran the halfmile race<br />
<br />
The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch<br />
They couldn't move the donkey a quarter of an inch<br />
Delaney lay exhausted, hangin' round his throat<br />
With a grip just like a Scotsman on the five pound note<br />
Starter, Carter, he lined up with the rest of them<br />
When it saw them, it was willin' then<br />
It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of them<br />
They started off to cheer it but it changed its mind again<br />
And there was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it<br />
Hogan, Logan and Mary Ann Macgraw<br />
She started pokin' it an' grabbin' it an' chokin' it<br />
It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed hee-hah<br />
The whigs and conservatives, the radical superlatives<br />
Liberals and tories, they hurried to the place<br />
Stood there in unity, helpin' the community<br />
The day Delaney's donkey ran the halfmile race<br />
<br />
The crowd began to cheer it, then Rafferty, the judge<br />
He came up to assist them, but still it wouldn't bud