album: The Hardest Way to Make an Easy Living (2006)
genre:

Send "Can't Con An Honest John" Ringtone to Cell

Using the following, I'm going to show you: 

A) How to con someone using their own greed, 
B) That you won't feel bad 'cos they're trying to con you anyway, and 
C) TAKING THEIR MONEY! 

As I have come to realise, running the beats is just getting people's confidence. 

This scam only works 'cos that man thinks he's working this scam 
And that you man off his mark 
Get your mate, let's call your mate Piers 
No, not Piers, let's call him Farquhar 
Anyway get Farquhar to crawl into a bar with his dog 
Like I said, the barman will try and con you later 
but you're gonna take all his money. 
Anyway, get Farquhar to pass into a local bar 
And call to the bar to look after a dog for a dart 
Just for 20 quid for a while, claiming that he hated it 
But it was worth more than his car 
This, by the way, requires that you find and supply Farquhar 
With an animal, and a life, from your local park. 
Get a nice dog that doesn't bark 
But not so nice that someone might miss this mutt from the park 

Anyway, using this technique you're gonna take all this man's money 
But you're not gonna care, cos he's gonna fucking deserve it 

[Chorus] 
You'll never con an Honest John 
An Honest John you can't drag down (Exactly!) 
Con-do-lee get conned 
When they think they're the cunning one (It's all one big con) 
Neighbour you won't con 
An Honest John 

Now listen, get Farquhar to dart out the bar 
And just shop for some garm's, maybe 
Just to pass an hour or so 
I would go shopping cos' I gave up drinking 
But whatever, just have Farquhar down the road 
Now you walk in the bar, walk up to the barman 
Order a jar, when you've caught him slouched on his own 
Start eyeing the dog that he's minding by his side 
Currently vibe him and start on about the dog you own. 
Start asking the barman, if it's his fine specimen of a dog 
Nod, smile, agree, look interested and cool 
When he tells you it's someone else's you've just left previous 
Tell him, 'This is a very rare breed of animal.' 
Last time I lied my manager swiped me 
But lie, and tell him it's like a fucking Red-Eared Hunting Spaniel. 
Tell him it's worth 600 quid and you would pay handsomely if you were to accept finance 
At all 

[Chorus] 
You'll never con an Honest John (Sometimes...) 
An Honest John you can't drag down (...Sometimes I think I should just go completely...) 
Condolee get conned 
When they think they're the cunning one 
Neighbour you won't con an Honest John (Keep listening though, it's important that you 
Keep listening...) 

Now take all his shopping off him 
Get your mate Farquhar to pop in 
Looking straight gutted a bit later on 
He should order a jar, talk at the bar 
Ensure he looks calm, warm with the barman 
And generally start conversating on. 
Farquhar should start falling apart 
About how he's arsed up some chance 
And how arsed up his day was. 
Or in the event, the spread betting he's getting ready to accept 
That his rent's not getting payed up. 
The barmans mind will chime slowly for a while 
He might wipe the bar, as his mind is making sums. 
Farquhar should continue to moan about money 
And that this mutt is not the greatest of his worries. 
And like 'ching!', the barman will five out of six times 
Kindly offer his greed to buy the dog for a price of 300 quid 
And after some bartering, your barman will haggle and charge harder 
In greed of the scent of the scheme in his head. (That's right, neighbour!) 

You'll never con an Honest John 
An Honest John you can't drag down 
Condolee get conned 
When they think they're the cunning one 
(The barman, is gonna see how much he can stitch you up for.) 
Neighbour you won't con an Honest John 
(How does that work? Cos' everytime it's based around someone who thinks they're 
Conning you.) 

They'll never imagine the whole scenario is prepared solely for him 
Why should he? 
That sort of paranoia can get you in the loony bin! 

As I have come to realise, running the beats is just getting people's confidence. 
AND THAN TAKING THEIR MONEY! 

It's all one big con. 

Send "Can't Con An Honest John" Ringtone to Cell