Stephen Lynch Lyrics
"Waiting"

It's out of my hands and all I can do is wait.
It's the not knowing that has put me in this state.
The minutes feel like hours the tension is too great.
I've done my part so now it's in the hands of fate.

Waiting for my AIDS test to come back.
I shouldn't have fucked that prostitute without a prophylactic.
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back.
Regret is dripping from me like my semen down her crack and now I wait.

My nerves they have been frayed, my pants, they have been shat.
I know the nurse will say, "It's time to have chat."
At least I'll never have to worry about getting fat.
I should think positive, no wait, I didn't say that!

Waiting for my AIDS test to come back.
I never should have have blown that tranny on my Cadillac.
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back.
I just had to taste that sweet forbidden nectar from his sac and now I wait.

Is it over, will my jersey be retired?
Will my name stiched upon a quilt be required?
Did I make a difference, was my life inspired?
Will Denzel Washington defend me when I'm fired?

Waiting for my AIDS test to come back.
Eating assholes shouldn't be an aphrodisiac.
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back.
If I'm clean I swear to God I will stop shooting smack, probably.

Boys and girls don't be naive, take it from your Uncle Steve.
AIDS cares not who it affects, caught from unprotected sex.
Sharing needles blood or spit or piss or semen even shit.
From handshakes, sneezes, toilet seats.
From monkey bites and uncooked meats.
From dirty coins and dread locked hair.
From certain children in daycare.
Drinking water, breathing air, I tell you AIDS is everywhere.

Oh God I can't take anymore, I think I'll run right out that door.
But wait, the nurse comes straight away, tell me, what does my test say?

I'm okay!
I'm okay!
It's just Chlamydia!