Ray Stevens Lyrics
"The Preacher And The Bear"

Well, the preacher went out walkin', it was on one Sunday morn
It was against his religion, but he took his gun along
Shot himself some mighty fine quail and one little measly hare
And on his way returning home, he met a great big grizzly bear

Well, the bear got down in the middle of the road
On all fours like a great big toad
Looked that preacher right square in the eye
The preacher said "hello" and "bye-bye"
Down the road, the preacher did run
The bear right after that preacher did come
He ran and he ran for about a mile
Then they both sat down and rested a while
Preacher got up, started running again
So did the bear, and he was gaining on him
He ran and he ran 'til he spotted a tree
Said, "Up on a limb is the place to be"
The bear got close, made a grab for him
But the preacher leaped up and he made the land
Pulled himself up and turned about
Cast his eyes to the heavens and he did shout

Oh Lord (Oh Lord), you delivered Daniel from the lion's den
(From the lion's den)
Oh Lord (Oh Lord), you delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then
(And then)
The Hebrew children from the fiery furnace so the good book does declare
So Lord (Oh Lord), if you can't help me
For goodness sakes, don't help that bear

Well, about that time, that limb let go and the preacher came tumblin' down
Pulled a straight razor out of his pocket just before he hit the ground
And what happened next, I do declare, was a truly historical fight
Between the preacher and the bear in the road right there with the fur flyin' left and right

Well, the preacher and the bear went round and round
First they were up and then they were down
The bear, he roared, and the preacher, he groaned
And it looked like the preacher was holdin' his own
He said, "Lord, if I get out of here alive
The good book, I will abide
No more huntin' on the Sabbath day
Come Sunday, I'm headin' to church to pray
And then to the heavens, the preacher glanced
He said, "Lord, won't you give me just one more chance?"
Then his suspenders gave away
And he knocked that bear ten feet away
The preacher got up and made a bound
For the tree where he'd be safe and sound
Pulled himself up and turned about
Looked up to the sky and began to shout

Oh Lord (Oh Lord), you delivered Daniel from the lion's den
(From the lion's den)
Oh Lord (Oh Lord), you delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then
(And then)
The Hebrew children from the fiery furnace so the good book does declare
So Lord (Oh Lord), if you can't help me
For goodness sakes, don't help that bear
For goodness sakes, don't help that bear