Ray Stevens Lyrics
"Family Funeral Fight"

Now he was just a little fella
Barely five foot three
But he caused a great commotion
Down in Ducktown, Tennessee
Now it was nothing that the old man did
Or one word that he said
Fact is, the trouble didn't start
'Til three days after he was dead

It was a military funeral
With the family gathered round
Come to show the old man honor
And to ease him in the ground
But murmurs spread among the crowd
And the mourner's blood ran cold
When up pulled the big squad car
Marked Tennessee State Patrol

It was the old man's youngest son
Doing 25 to life
For burning down his brother's trailer
And running off with his wife
The entire family was divided
Held together by a shaky truce
And then a woman yelled, "I still love you, Earl"
And all hell broke lose

Brothers, uncles, sisters, cousins
Knife and fistfights by the dozens
Yellin', spittin', bitin', hittin'
What a sight to see

At the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight
It started in the afternoon and lasted half the night
10 were stabbed, two were shot, nobody walked or talked quite right
After the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight

Well, they called out the county Mounties
And more highway patrol
And after about an hour or two
They finally gained control
The sheriff said, "This is a disgrace
And I'm haulin' all y'all in
But not until we brought this service
To a decent end"

So the Honor Guard stepped forward
Fired their rifles in the air
An old lady who was snoozin'
Jumped and fell out of her chair
And as she hit that Astroturf
You won't believe what happened then
A boy yelled, "Whoa, they shot grandma"
And here we go again

Mourners, police, Honor Guard
Relatives from near and far
Cussin', fussin', bitin', hittin'
What a sight to see

At the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight
It started in the afternoon and lasted half the night
10 were stabbed, two were shot, nobody walked or talked quite right
After the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight

It was the Ducktown knockdown family funeral feud
You can't believe the mayhem and the chaos that ensued
Why, they even shot the sheriff, punched out the preacher's lights
At the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight
The Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight