album: Tv (2004)
genre:

Send "Underwear Goes Inside The Pants" Ringtone to Cell

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural 
plant that grows in the dirt. You know what's not natural? Eighty year 
old dudes with hard ons. That's not natural, but we've got pills for that. 
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys
erect but we're putting people in jail for smoking something that grows 
in the dirt? 

You know, we have more prescription drugs now than ever. Every
commercial on TV is a prescription drug ad. I can't watch TV for four 
minutes without thinking i have five serious diseases. Like, "Do you 
ever wake up tired in the mornings?" Oh my god, I have this, write 
this down! Whatever this is, I have this! Half the time you don't even 
know what the commercial is, there's people running through fields, 
or flying kites, or swimming in the ocean. Like, that is the greatest 
disease ever! How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot 
chick and a puppy! 

The schools now, it's all about self-esteem in the schools. Build the 
kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If
everybody grows up with high self esteem, who's gonna dance in our 
strip clubs? What's gonna happen to our porno industry? These women 
don't just grow on trees, it takes lots of drunk daddies missing a lot of
dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty
bucks. And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday 
with my new high speed connection?

Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)
Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)

Mastermind's not a word that comes up all the time, you keep hearing
about these, ah, these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over 
in the middle-east. Terrorist masterminds! Mastermind is sort of a lofty 
way to describe what these guys do, don't you think? They're not 
masterminds! "Okay you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack, 
then you get on the bus and you blow yourself up." "Why do I have 
to... blow myself up? Why don't I put, uh --" "Who's the fucking 
mastermind here, me or you?!"

Americans, let's face it, we've been a spoiled country for a long time, 
you know what the number one health risk in america is? Obesity! 
Obesity! They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic. An 
epidemic! Like it's Polio! Like, we'll be talking to our grandchildren 
about it one day, the great obesity epidemic of 2004. "How'd you get 
through it, grandpa?" "Oh, it was horrible, Johnny, there was 
cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why we're getting fatter, look at our lifestyles. I'll sit at 
a drive-thru, I'll sit there for, I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars 
instead of getting up and making an eight foot walk to the totally 
empty counter. Everything's mega-mealed, super-sized, "Want 
biggie fries with that, want a jumbo-fry, wanna go large, want a 
biggie fry, wanna have thirty burgers for a nickel, you fat 
motherfucker? There's room in the bag, take it! Want a fifty-five 
gallon drum of coke with that? It's only three more cents!"

Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)
Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)

Sometimes you've gotta suffer a little in your youth to motivate you to 
succeed later in life. You think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do 
you think there'd be a Microsoft? Of course not! You've got to spend a 
long time stuffed in your own locker with your underwear wedged up 
your ass before you start thinking: "I'm gonna take over the world of 
computers, you'll see! I'll show them!"

We're in one of the richest countries in the world and the minimum 
wage is lower now than it was thirty-five years ago. There are 
homeless people everywhere, this homeless guy asked me for money,
the other day, I was about to give it to him, and I thought: he's just 
gonna use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought: That's what I'm 
gonna use it on! Why am I judging this poor bastard? People love to 
judge homeless guys. Like, you give him the money and he's just 
gonna waste it, he's gonna waste the money. Well he lives in a box! 
What do you want him to do with it, save it up and buy a wall unit? 
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a cd rack? He's 
homeless! I walked behind this guy the other day, a homeless guy 
asked him for money, he looks right at the homeless guy, he goes:
"Why don't you go out and get a job, you bum?"

People always say that to homeless guys, get a job. Like it's always 
that easy. This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his 
pants. I'm guessing his resume ain't all up to date. I'm predicting 
some problems during the interview process. I'm pretty sure 
McDonalds has an 'Underwear Goes Inside The Pants' policy Not that 
they enforce it very strictly, but technically, i'm sure it's on the books.

Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)
Baby, Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)

Send "Underwear Goes Inside The Pants" Ringtone to Cell