Larry the Cable Guy Lyrics
"The Christmas Story"

this is the christmas story as told by my drunk grandpa.
Many years ago in hepsaba a child was born to Fred
and Doris Ombree he was a very speciel child for he
was concived in a foghat concert in the thrid row during
the song slow ride knowing that she was pregnet scared
the bejesus out of Fred cause he worked only as a hush
puppy cook down there at the long john silvers they
decided to name the child bejesus.
Fred and Doris who was pregnant with bejesus stopped
at a best western for the night cause her water broke
and he wanted go to sambo's for a short stack and some
cheese grits however the best western had a convention
of shriners so they had to sleep in their van in the
parking lot for the night that night bejesus was born
and they wrapped in swaddlen richard beddy bed sheets
and layed him in a milk crate just then three wise
men with two year degrees from devrie instiute of tecnology
showed up with gifts of colas,
frankin furters and buns and they grilled out in spake
of hope and love and festicter plates to be used at
taladaga little bejesus grew and studied and spoke
pylochical phrases like who ever smelt it delt it and
its better to burp and taste it then to fart and waste
it. He once healed a 1979 camero by rebuilding the
carberator and he brought back to life a delta 88 by
puttin in a engine of 1969 formula fired with a shift
kit glass kit buffers. every body loved bejesus of
hepsaba he graduated from Devrie with a degree in dryowalloge
he was the greatest of all drywallers then one night
tragady a hatian imiagrant killed Bejesus for two dollars
and twenty cents and a coupoun off the barbbeque joint
but he still lives on in the hearts of ruffers and
drywallers and construction workers everywhere,
god bless bejesus of Hepsaba