John Reuben Lyrics
"5 Years To Write"

This vulnerability is killing me internally
Not feeling much stability and I wish it could be easy
But it don't seem to be and so
I'm going to take it to the only place that I know to go
And lay these feelings in the hand of the creator
God of creation you show me how to relate to her
Mean while, I'm thanking you for lessons being learned
See my feelings have been shallow but I've watched my heart turn
Yes, she looks good, yes she looks fly

But deep down I know there's something more inside
Just like I'm praying that there's more in me
So when I look at she I just don't see naturally
Not saying physically, that I'll deny the attraction
But all in all that's just a simple satisfaction
That can be obtained through a glance of the eye
This was five years ago, man how time flies by
Beautiful soul full of spirit
I wonder if she'd hear it if I told her that she had a
Beautiful soul full of spirit
A few year later

Her mind intrigues me
It leaves me sort of sick
Wondering what makes the mystery chic tick,
history thick of pages and pages
Telling stories that can't be summed up in quick phrases
She's observant so she's seen my behavior
It's got me nervous wanting to stay away from her
I pray for her daily as well as perspective,
Battling with pride and thoughts of being rejected
and that's just not appealing
It's almost enough to make you disconnect your feelings or something
And try to move on and give them to someone else
But yet I care for her more than I care for myself
Man who needs this

I'm not even good with commitments
Plus I value my independence, in the end it's probably
Just a waste of time spent or maybe
There's something more to this relationship
What's the point of caring when it hurts so much
If this is what love comes with I'd rather not touch it
In all honesty the outcome is uncertain
And I do run the risk of walking away hurting
Searching for clarity, spare me the despair
I'd rather be alone and not even care
Than to share my trust because you can't control
Fate so maybe I'll be alone but at least it's safe
I know that's stupid
Probably my insecurity

Or maybe god is using this to get through to me
Because in the back of my mind
I'm always aware of pushing me towards prayer and bettering my character
Making me thing about the man I want
To become regardless of the situations outcome
Fast forward a few years into my life
Man this song about my wife took me five years to write