John Prine Lyrics
"Letter To The Penthouse Forum"

Dear penthouse,
I never did believe anything I ever read in your magazine
until just the other night.

When something happen to me that was so strange that
I felt compelled to share it with your readers.

I'm a student at state-u.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.
it was one year ago tonight that my room mate "stupendous
dork" and I were sittin' around the dorm poppin'
a few frosty's and burning some rope,
and boning up for the speech therapy midterm exam the
next day, by reading back issues of your magazine out loud to each other.

I looked at "stu" and he looked at me and
we both knew neither of us was going to get a real
good grade on that exam anyway.
we hopped out of the dorm and went across the street
to herbie's tumble inn.

Right across from the dorm there,
we came through the swinging doors and I couldn't believe
my eyes, there they were, sitting at the bar,
these two luscious babes, and they were siamese twins

I looked at "stu" and he looked at me and
we looked at them and they looked at us and then one
of the twins said "won't you join us?
" and I just laughed and we went and sat down at the bar.

Turns out, one if the ladies was a speech therapy major
and her sister said she had some rope in her purse
there, and a big light bulb went off in my head and
I said "what the heck, why don't we all go back to the dorm? "

Came out of the swingin' doors at herbie's and couldn't
get across the street.

There was these 30 bikers with jackets that said "harley
aristocrats" on the back.
there was an aerobic dance class and there was the
commanding officer of the campus rotc pushing a nautilus
machine right down the double yellow line.
I said "what the heck, why don't we all go back to the dorm? "

The last thing I remember is one of the twins screaming,
"hey general put your big heat seeking missile in my love silo!"

I got my degree in spite of failing speech therapy
that quarter. last night for the first time in a year,
my room mate stupendous dork went back to herbie's
to toast our commencement.
came thru the swingin' doors and there they were at
the bar, the same two siamese twins and I said "oh
no" and I went and sat down a table.

The twins came over to the table and the one that was
a speech therapy major looked my right in the eye and
said: "excuse me you probably don't remember us."

Name and address withheld by request.