Cannonball Statman Lyrics
"Facebook Poem With Me In It"

"Next up is Jesse...
...or, as he likes to call himself...
...or as we like to call him...
Cannonball!"

"My name is Jesse Statman,
and this poem is called
Facebook Poem With Me In It."

I wish I weren't the subject of a poem,
but I am the subject of several poems,
written on your cell phone,
and posted on Facebook.

You wrote to me;
you said I was really cool.
I introduced you to my friends, digitally;
you told me you were lonely.

You told me I should be your boyfriend;
I said yes!
We were really happy.
We almost threw a party,
but we ran out of virtual balloons.

I introduced you to my best friend, digitally,
and you, digitally, told me
that you didn't want to talk to my best friend,
but you wanted to talk to me,
but you didn't want to call me,
and you didn't want to hear my voice,
and the only picture I can find of you is of your feet!

I introduced you to a poet named Hane, digitally,
and you, digitally, asked her weird questions that freaked her out!

You started gossip about me
in the underbelly
of the New York City Transit System,
and how we were BF and GF
and sitting in a tree, T-X-T-I-N-G,
but I broke your heart;
and you were just being really thoughtful
and insightful
about all areas of life,

and you made my friend, who is really unusual,
really scared of you,
and we hid from you
in the boy's bathroom at our highschool,
and sometimes it felt gross to be hiding from you
in the boy's bathroom at our highschool,
but sometimes it felt good, knowing that wherever you were,
you definitely weren't
in the boy's bathroom at our highschool,
because that would be tantamount to death,

and later on,
you called me,
and asked me why we weren't friends on Facebook,
but I wasn't on Facebook,
and never will be on Facebook
ever again in my entire life,
thanks to people like you,

and how dare you put poems about me on Facebook?
Were they even good?
Were they even poems?
Were they even real?
Are you even real?
Am I even real?

Your Facebook profile picture was of the lead singer from Green Day;
is he real?

I don't think anything is real!
I used to think even people I had never met were real!

I feel disillusioned,
like the new
as it becomes old.